From Foreign Policy to Frames Per Second: Finding My Passion

If I could make my life into a video reel, the first half would likely be filled with images from school — a library, a copy of Democracy in America and comparative politics textbooks sitting stacked on top of one another, piles of notebooks, papers strewn everywhere. I sit at a desk, poring over an assignment, thumb clicking and unclicking a pen. Ever so often, we cut to a digital clock on the wall. The hours elapse in stillness.

The second half of footage may show more of the same, except this time, on the desk are two cameras, a translucent film canister. A tripod leans on a bookshelf nearby. Back at the desk, my hands move quickly across a keyboard, as the words “FADE IN:” appear in courier type font on the computer screen. The keys continue clicking when the reel suddenly stops —

There is still much of my life story to be written, but perhaps a shot-by-shot overview can best sum-up how I grew into my passions for photography and cinema via my largely political science-centric academic journey.

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Here’s the shot list:

Wide Shot: a dozen students sit in a lecture hall, a professor points to a rough sketch of the Middle East on a whiteboard

Before my first year of college, I did not realize how easy it is to place limits on yourself. I went into college tunnel-visioned in on becoming bilingual and trying to be as literate as possible in international politics. Certain that I would try my hand at going into the Foreign Service after graduating from Furman University, I did engage my artistic hobbies in a few assignments and outside of the classroom, but I never took my movie-watching any further than the walls of my dorm room.

I was first introduced to film and photography as a teenager, but I only saw myself being an artist as an unrealistic dream. I was not open to accepting all parts of myself.

Sure, my academic side received more attention, but with respect to my creative side, I felt slightly caged-in. My disillusionment with politics and current events spurred me to branch out and take classes that engaged my interest in the visual arts.

Medium Shot: students sit on Zoom while a video on Bicycle Thieves plays on screen

During my junior year, I added the Film Studies minor and the lightbulb began to glow with possibility. This was what I wanted to do — this was how I could fulfill myself. I took up still photography (this time with a sense of purpose) and began screenwriting shortly after. In creating my own images and telling stories, I started to better understand myself and think critically about my experiences.

Medium Close-up: I pace around an empty apartment living room, computer sat in the middle of the floor showing a half-written script

Often, I wrestled with labeling myself as an artist or creative. The process of learning about myself and being willing to question my values, beliefs and experiences was and is grueling, but it is also gratifying.

I constantly worry about revealing too much of myself in what I create, but I recognize that sharing half-baked experiences yields a half-baked reception. I want to make myself think. I want to make others think. I want to make people feel and maybe even change the way they see things.

Close-up: I kneel on the ground in front of a model, camera in hand, ready to hit the shutter

It has only been about a year since I decided to pursue these two disciplines seriously and turn them into a career. In terms of how I view the world around me, I do not think that my vision has changed drastically, but I do feel freer to express it through the lens, on the page, and on screen.

Through this meandering, confusing and often frustrating journey to accept all parts of myself and to actively choose my passion, I learned how essential it is to know yourself. Because if you don’t know who you are, how can you effectively articulate your stories, your truth?

At this point, I am not exactly sure what kind of impact I will have on the world, if I even have one, but now I feel more secure in myself to put snapshots of my ideas, experiences and vision into the world.

The shot list of my life is yet to be complete. Many frames await.